


So close to me

by the_empty_pen



Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: A Bit of Fluff, Angst, F/M, Manga Spoilers, TRIGGER WARNINGS IN AUTHOR'S NOTE, exploration of guilt etc, kyo and tohru invented love y'all, set post-canon/in canon, this is painful I'm ngl.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24511795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_empty_pen/pseuds/the_empty_pen
Summary: Tohru’s hands are cold, her face is pale, her shirt stained with dirt and blood, her hair nearly black with mud. It’s hanging over her shoulders in sweaty, wet strands, clutching to her face, some of it has found its way into her eyes.And despite her small, shivering frame, the pouring rain making her clothes stick to her body, the look in her eyes is unmistakable.It’s full of determination.The brown colour is blazing with a fire Kyo has never seen before and it sends shivers down his spine, sets him on fire until he thinks he’ll go down in flames.
Relationships: Honda Tohru/Sohma Kyou
Comments: 7
Kudos: 57





	So close to me

**Author's Note:**

> *sigh*  
> Look, yesterday's episode happened, then something happened today that honestly made me very upset so this is also SORT OF a vent, but I def kept it low-key, so don't worry about that.  
> The good thing about me vent-writing? the shit actually turns out good! Idk why that is but it's always like this adfghagjk
> 
> Fine. So yeah, this contains some manga spoilers that you might want to avoid if you are an anime only or haven't read the entire manga yet!
> 
> The song is 'Believe' by Hollywood Undead
> 
> If you feel like it, you can skip the trigger warnings for idk, the angst surprises or that, but here you go!
> 
> Trigger warnings:  
> \- implied suicidal thoughts  
> \- near past suicide attempt (which is adressed in the manga)  
> \- mentions of deaths (also adressed in the manga)  
> \- mentions of vomit  
> \- mentions of blood

**I can't believe  
That when I breathe  
That there's something good inside of me  
Just one good thing inside of me**

He strokes a single strand of her hair out of her face, fingertips just slightly brushing her skin; he doesn’t know how long he has waited to do this.  
Every single second apart hurt, every minute she wasn’t around he’d longed for her warmth, for that soft smile that would appear on her lips whenever he was around.

But now she’s with him. 

He can hold her hand, hug her whenever he wants to.  
And she knows that, too. She’s free now. Without ever having been bound by a curse, but by her own feelings, by trying to cling on to the past so desperately that she’d broken apart.  
By clinging on to him till the point of shattering into millions of pieces.  
She can’t help but blush a little when she feels his fingers sliding over her neck, her collarbone, then back up again to her chin.   
It still feels like a dream.

And all of a sudden, the memory of the day that probably made them realize their feelings comes back to them. Even if they had repressed those until they had overflown.

*

Tohru’s hands are cold, her face is pale, her shirt stained with dirt and blood, her hair nearly black with mud. It’s hanging over her shoulders in sweaty, wet strands, clutching to her face, some of it has found its way into her eyes.  
And despite her small, shivering frame, the pouring rain making her clothes stick to her body, the look in her eyes is unmistakable.  
It’s full of determination.  
The brown colour is blazing with a fire Kyo has never seen before and it sends shivers down his spine, sets him on fire until he thinks he’ll go down in flames.

He has no idea why she's doing this; he knows he looks scary and repulsive and disgusting, he know he smells bad and yet her gaze isn’t ever letting go of his.  
His heartbeat fastens when he realizes that she’s holding his arm, the hard shell on it making it hard to actually feel. Her grasp is tight and it nearly hurts.  
But it’s this pain that brings him back to reality.

She’s not diverting her eyes but looking at the ugliest part of him. And god, she’s _scared_.   
But she is looking at him and that’s everything that counts to him.

Unlike his mother.

Kyo inhales sharply, emotions inside of him a turmoil. He doesn’t want to return. Not ever. He wants to give in to the urge he’s felt for years now, wants to leave the world because it’s what he deserves. He’s made to look down upon anyways, so does it really matter if he’s there or not? It surely as hell wouldn’t matter to his father, it didn’t matter to his mother, it didn’t make her _stay_. 

It didn’t matter to Tohru’s mother either. He thought that she was one of the very few people who saw something in him. But he’s betrayed her trust, too. He can’t protect this girl in front of him. No matter what he tries, everything his hands do is destroy, destroy, _destroy_. 

She’s going to break apart because of him one day, slip through his fingers just like his mother, her mother.  
It’s just a matter of time before she’s added to the deaths he’s responsible for.

His eyes focus. The flame in them isn’t leaving.  
She’s burning alive. Kyo has no idea why or how, but this little flower in front of him is burning alive and yet he’ll still decide to step on it. Burn himself.

The transformation to his human self doesn’t hurt nearly as much.

Her hands are even colder like this, a clear contrast to her flaming eyes. The tears running out of them which he only notices now, having been nearly invisible in the rain.

A smile tugs at the corners of his lips.

He knows Kyoko will never forgive him. The words uttered by a woman lying in a puddle of her own blood will never leave his mind. They’ll replay in it like an old record, stuck at the same piece until it makes him insane.

But Tohru is still alive.  
Maybe it’s egoistic to be thinking that way; it almost certainly is. He wants to touch her. Interlace their fingers. Kiss the dirt away from her face. Search his way to her pale lips that are drawing blood by how hard she’s biting them to keep herself from crying more.   
He wants to cradle her in his arms.

And that’s exactly what he does.

*

Tohru knows that if she lets go, he will never return. She’s seen the look in his eyes before.  
The look of hopelessness, of not wanting to live, of having lost all hope.

Her knuckles have gone white. Her fingernails are breaking by how hard she’s clinging to him and it hurts, her whole body hurts. Her stomach is still clenching, her throat is burning because of the bile scratching it, the blood leaking out of her shoulder is mixing together with the mud and it _stings_.

Nothing will be worse than the pain of Kyo leaving. She won’t forgive herself if she lets go now even though he wants it.  
Maybe he himself isn’t sure if that’s what he wants.

But she recognizes the emptiness because of her own mother, saw her mother’s eyes becoming a void. Until there was nothing left in them anymore except for one wish.

Kyo has to come home with her. No matter what he wants, she’s selfish enough to make him. And if she’s going to drag him with all her might, scream until other people hear and help her – it’s what she has to do.  
She would never be able to forgive herself if she didn’t keep him from going away to a place she can’t reach.

It’s so very pathetic that she’s crying. This isn’t about her. Has never been. _Will never be._

He’s going to stay, she tells herself to keep her heart from jumping out of herself, he’s going to stay and complain more about Yuki, he’s going to drink more milk straight out of the carton.  
He’s going to call her an idiot once more. Many times more.

Tohru barely even feels him transform; she only realizes when her nails are digging into soft flesh, leaving marks, a slight wetness below them tells her that he’s bleeding.   
She’s not going to let go until she knows for sure that he’s going to stay with her.

Tohru has lost her mom already. Not one single bit of her can stand the thought of losing this boy who’s so kind-hearted below all his facades, always worrying about her well-being, making her food when she’s sick.  
She’s so certainly as hell not going to lose the boy she _lo-_

His arms are around her. Then a hand in her hair, stroking through it until she can feel his fingertips resting against skin. His cheek is next to hers.  
The moment takes an infinity.   
He’s going to stay.

She requites the embrace just when he transforms again.

*

When he leans in and his lips touch hers just a bit, just enough to tickle, she giggles.  
They’re free.  
The wounds have turned to scars. Sometimes, they will reopen, sometimes, they will cry together and laugh together.  
His breath is warm. He opens his mouth, speaks against her lips, the word sinking into her very being until its implemented so deep inside of her, rooted into her heart and soul.  
She kisses back.

“Tohru.”

**So close to me  
That memory  
Of that one good thing inside of me  
Just one good thing inside of me**


End file.
